Ten years ago today I entered into what I have sometimes called the “hardest and best thing I’ve ever done”. I’ve come to realize that marriage feels hard to me because I’m selfish. Marriage actually is hard for my wife because I’m selfish. As I’ve reflected on this I’m struck anew with what a special lady I’m sharing life. Over the past ten years my wife has:
- Given birth to four beautiful babies. After grieving a miscarriage early in our marriage, we thought for a while we might not be able to have kids. When children did come, her willingness to endure discomfort, fatigue, nausea, lack of sleep and LABOR led to pitter-patter footsteps, snuggles, tickles, artwork and the hope of a lifetime of large gatherings around the Thanksgiving Day table.
- Given up pursuit of her own goals and desires in the marketplace for the sake of our family goals and my career. Though brilliant, talented and the better educated of the two of us; she has been willing to manage our home while I pursued my career. She moved with me away from family and friends so I could take my dream job. When the dream job began to feel like a family nightmare, she was willing to move even farther from home to start again.
- Invested enormous amounts of time and energy in the education and development of our children. One of the things that attracted us to one another was our shared vision of what a family could look like. Over the years she has followed through, putting her money where our mouth is, spending countless hours teaching, cleaning, feeding, dressing, disciplining, hugging, encouraging and loving our kids.
- Waited patiently for a house to make her own. The first eight years of our marriage we lived in housing provided by my employer. This required conformance to others’ views on remodeling. When the time came for us to purchase our own home, she didn’t grumble over the limited choices within reach of our budget. She made my interests more important when we chose a house and she has continued to wait patiently as we slowly remodel.
- Encouraged me over and over. She respects my ideas and believes in my ability to bring them to fruition. If my work has been the financial engine for our family, her encouragement and support have been the fuel on which it runs.
[Edit: Thanks to all who commented on this post and our Facebook pages. Your words have done a lot to affirm the value of her work and her effectiveness in it. You also added to the sweetness of the day. Thanks for your help!]
Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/exalthim
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Jess you are a fantastic wife, mom and friend. Thank you for giving so selflessly to me and the kids. The encouragement you give to me helps me stay engaged in my work. The energy you invest in the kids is having an incredible influence on their character. The hospitality you extend to our friends and neighbors is a conduit of love. I am proud of you and thankful for you. Happy Anniversary! I love you.
“The Universe speaks in many languages, but only one voice.
It speaks in the language of hope. It speaks in the language of trust.
It speaks in the language of strength, and the language of compassion.
It is the language of the heart and the language of the soul.
But always it is the same voice.
It is the voice of our ancestors speaking through us.
And the voice of our inheritors waiting to be born.
It is the small, still voice that says ‘We are one’.
No matter the blood, no matter the skin,
No matter the world, no matter the star,
We are one.
No matter the pain, no matter the darkness,
No matter the loss, no matter the fear.
We are one.
Here, gathered together in common cause
We agree to recognize this singular truth and this singular rule:
That we must be kind to one another.
Because each voice enriches us and ennobles us,
And each voice lost diminishes us.
We are the voice of the universe, the soul of creation,
The fire that will light the way to a better future.
We are one. ”
- J. Michael Straczynski
Happy Anniversary!
Jess, I have not known you for a long time but I feel as though we have been friends for years! Your personality is Awesome! You are so dun and easy to be with, so down to earth and kind. I watch how you are with your children and it really an encouragment to me! You truly show Jesus is in your life! Happy Anniversary friend! Robyn
you are not dun but FUN!! LOL
Men are nothing without their wives. Everything he does is either for or because of you. We don’t tell out wives that often enough. But never doubt it’s true.
You’re more than a saint. Your his wife. That’s the most important thing you could ever be for him.
Happy Anniversary, m’dear.
Jess you are my daughter, so reading these words about you by your husband are not surprising but are actually a confirmation of my feelings about the baby girl, child and now lovely woman I’ve watched you grow into. You truly have brought so many joys to your father and myself, and now together you and Step have brought us four wonderful babies to love also. It is plain to see that their lives are filled with the teachings of the bible, and about God.
Step, on this 10 year anniversary, I also want to say how blessed dad and I are to have you as our son these past years. We knew from the moment we met you we’d love you forever. You have confirmed that belief in us many times over the years, in the way you love and provide for your family.
To you both we say Congratulations! but we also say it to ourselves, as we will celebrate this wonderful union you share as our special milestone in our lives as well.
I love you both completely. Mom
Jess & Step…both of you make me proud to be part of your lives. Everyday you add to my joy and more abundently each day. And the kids, WOW! I may be biased a little, but…I don’t think so.
Y’all have a good celebration…we will soon. We’re only 3 days behind you and 30 years ahead of you.
See you soon…kiss the kids for me.
Love you
Dad (aka Papaw)
Sadly, most of the time that we are called to show the content of our character is under great stress. We are often disappointed when life becomes difficult and those around us are not who we hoped they were.
And yet there are those around us that we have faced the challenges with, who have proven that they will be by our side no matter how dark it gets. These people are the light and warmth in our lives and are to be treasured above all else.
Congratulations on your anniversary, and here’s to many more.
Jessica, you have always been an encouragement to me. The first and most impressive thing about you is your spirit of hospitality and good attitude about it! Not many folks would invite another married couple to live in their guest room for three weeks, but you guys did and made us feel so comfortable and welcome! As I look around the house that is our home and used to be yours (!) I have so many good memories of fellowship with you and Step and MANY wonderful cups of coffee and ice cream shared.
Happy tenth anniversary, you guys! Here’s to many, many more!
Thank you, sweet husband…I’m not sure how “accurate” it all is but I sure hope to be the wife and mother you so lovingly describe.
To everyone else so kind enough to comment I also give thanks…it can be difficult at times to see the value in my work when I am blinded by laundry, dirty dishes, and second grade math lessons. My husband’s post reminds me that we are building something and that things in mid construction rarely portray the beauty that will be. However, completion is not required in order to enjoy the hope of what our family will become! Here’s to plenty more! 